Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
