I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
