i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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