Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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