I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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