your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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