My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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