New low: just hacked my moms facebook
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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