Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
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while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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