she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
