Small penises have feelings too.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
