this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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