she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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