After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
