I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
im holly from the hills drunk
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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