So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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