47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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