he wants to bone in the snuggie
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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