Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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