Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
