2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
