hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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