You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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