A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
