I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
