Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
