I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
