the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
