Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
