hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
