well you can't waste a boner
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
organizing the empties. That sober.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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