matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
