shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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