Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
