once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
