I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
