Umm I'm too high to move.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
