dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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