my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
