whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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