dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
