haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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