closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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