Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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