Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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