she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
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we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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