I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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