Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
