haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
