Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
