I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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