Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
