So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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