Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
