I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
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I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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