she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
