either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize