I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he was CRYING into my vagina
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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