I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
