I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
